Thursday, April 10, 2008
Does being Anti-Emo prevent you from being "Emo"?

Hey Guys
I've been talking none stop about being Anti-Emo for the past, i don't know, 3 months? Maybe more?

I've been talking about how being "Emo" is no good and everyone should not stop doing that. But seriously, human beings get emotional sometimes. It's beyond our control. I'm a human, would it be weird if i get "emo"? Can i still smile when i feel sad or depressed? is being anti-emo mean that i can never get emotional? I find it hard to take in.

I haven't been feeling well for the last one week. It's taking a toll on me. I don't care who's reading this or what people think of me when their reading this.

I'm getting some serious attacks from the devil and it's really pushed me to the limit of considering to back-sliding again. I'm very tempted at times, due to certain events happening and stuff. I'm currently still feeling quite dry but i have to say that, the fact that i can write this out shows that i'm not afraid to open up and show my emotions.

I know it's probably very unbelievable to say that everytime i make fun of someone or say some irritating and irrelevent stuff, I'm building on my own defensive wall against the outside world.

I really don't know how i managed to hang on to God for such a long time. At times i get so psyked to do God's will but after a while i get dry again. It's like a roller coaster ride that never ends.

And i think about the people whom i'm suppose to lead and hang out with. I think that how the heck am i suppose to show an example and change peoples' life when i can't even manage my own?

Edmond is one of my best buds and he's also helping me in my connect group. I feel that i'm dragging him along at times. And i don't know how to relate to him on the things that we as a connect group should do because i know i haven't been doing a good job myself.

I'm not sure if Edmond or Liwei or any other members are gonna read this but it doesn't matter. I think that writing this out was really helpful. It's not about the process of being emo, it's about the process of getting out of the "emo"-period. Everyone has their own way of cheering themselves up and i do it my way.

I might become crude again after a while and emo again after another while. I'm not sure, but I'm not gonna be afraid of it or anything. If anyone's going down, it's the devil. He's gotta be so mad now. SEE! I'm feeling better already.

CHEERS!
/\/\@X